Sunday, August 1, 2010

WARNING: Everything is Evil

I do not make it a habit of hanging around racial conspiracists so I am woefully ignorant of the lingo. That being said, the term "International Jewry" is by far one the funniest things I've ever had the pleasure of reading.

What is "International Jewry?" I suppose it has something to do with a world-wide cabal of Jewish people who are trying to . . . do . . . something . . . evil? Clearly Oliver Stone thinks this is true or did after he apologized.

But maybe he was on to something. Clearly, Jewish people are looking to brainwash the world's children with images in TV and film. Not convinced? Think of all the Jewish superheroes we have. . . oh wait, I mean, think of all the clearly Jewish news anchors . . . OK fuck it, they have Jon Stewart -- need I say more.

Clearly I do need to say more -- actually, I let this bat shit crazy video say it for me:

Ah, it's all starting to make sense. "International Jewry" (snicker) is clearly responsible for the Teletubbies -- a show the courageous Jerry Falwell proved was promoting the gay lifestyle to kids. And now, with Yo Gabba Gabba, they're stepping it up a notch to turn them into Jews. Clearly, the master plan is to slowly convert our children into . . .  Harvey Fierstein. BRILLIANT and eeeeevilllll!

Seriously though, after watching this I came away confused. It seems the goal of these scheming Jewish overlords is to convince everyone that there is only one god. Present company excluded, hasn't that boat pretty much sailed? Granted, I don't see how one god is any more plausable than several, but its been clear for a long time that the world's believers have become very monogamous. At this point, multiple gods is the Pepsi Clear of theologies.

But I tell you what must be great about being religiously deluded -- its that you believe EVERYTHING could be true. Witches, warlocks, demons, I mean Christians not only allow for these things to exist along side Starbucks and chinese food, but they are SCARED of them! But when your faith is predicated on zippo evidence, then you hardly need a smoking broomstick to convince of the reality of witches. Instead, you lean on the popularity of a kids book as evidence that the devil is indeed taking over the world. I mean, decoding hidden messages, solving word puzzles and uncovering conspiracies sounds like a blast. It's also a bunch of horseshit. I'm not saying that there are no conspiracies but when it comes to religious conspiracies, much like religious reasoning, I find it circular and lacking logic.

Case in point: in high school, I had a Catholic friend who asked me what I thought of the pope. I said "not much." She responded by saying that the Pope is one of the most powerful people in the world. Now, I'm not an idiot. Any guy who's convinced hundreds of millions of people that he's God's secretary clearly holds sway . . .  but not over me. His reign requires I believe in the bible, and therefore he's just a dude who looks like he raided Lady Gaga's wardrobe. He's also, in this case, a former Nazi but hey, as long as he prays to the right god, he's cool, right?

This is something the religious conspriacy theorists simply don't get. The threat is only real to YOU. And forgive me if I'm not shitting my pants. Its not because you haven't laid out a convincing arguement (you haven't) but its because you're assuming we're on the same page -- that we're both Christians.