Monday, January 26, 2009

Barack Obama is the Antichrist

First off, happy new year. I haven't posted since Thanksgiving, which is really sad. Needless to say my resolution in 09 is to blog more often. And since this is my first post of the year, I figured I'd start with a doozy -- namely that I have discovered a horrible truth likely to shake the world.

Barack Obama is the antichrist.

Or at least, he very well could be.


Well, I have proof.

Ok, I don't have the proof but the God-fearing people at do.

Witness the following IRREFUTABLE facts taken directly from the site:

"Revelation 13:5 And there was given unto him a mouth speaking great things and blasphemies; and power was given unto him to continue forty and two months.

Obama has spoken great things about "Change" and new prosperity for the world, written a book called "The Audacity of Hope." Many would say his argument that he is the best pro-life candidate is a blasphemy. 42 months is about the length of a presidential term."

Eerily accurate, no? I mean this couldn't possibly be any other presidential candidate, right? Truth is, as a child of the 80's Ronald Regan was considered the best antichrist candidate because all three of his names all have six letters. Not to mention that if you play his first state of the union address backwards it says "Satan is the cat's pajamas. If there was one person I would play boggle with it would be the horned-devil himself."

Want to know what's scarier? When I shared the website with my co-workers no one laughed. Instead they looked scared, saying, more or less, "Yeah I heard about that. I hope its not true."

Note the ironic use of HOPE here. I did.

Granted, I don't believe in the antichrist, or even the prochrist (if such a person exists), but I really didn't think anyone took this shit seriously. Not even the truly devout or recently converted (who I have found believe in EVERYTHING).

One of my co-workers, a young woman named Vanessa (not her real name) who is very devout to be so young -- at least in my book -- was leading the "maybe" charge.

She said "Well, I don't think it's true but it's possible. I mean, the bible has predicted hundreds of events that have come true."

Before I could stop myself, I proclaimed -- "I really need to see that list."

She went on to say that we would really know if Obama was the anti-christ if we have seven years of peace and Obama would make Palestine and Israel sign a peace treaty that would last seven years.

I asked if Israel and Palestine were aware that Obama was the antichrist (allegedly) because those motherfuckers have never stopped fighting. But that plain fact did not disturb their fear, I mean, faith.

Later that evening, Vanessa emailed her sources for proving the bible had proved its worth through accurate predictions. She prefaced the email by saying that while she was not able to find a site that listed all the proven prophesies, she found one that listed at least eight. The site is, which I presume is for those preparing to vanish from earth like blinking christmas lights.

Anyway, the site proves that the bible is the word of God because it accurately predicts that:
A. Jesus would be born of a virgin
B. He would be born in Bethlehem
C. He would like animal crackers

If you ask me, this is about as valid as saying that Star Wars: Episode 1 -- The Phantom Menace is true because it accurately predicted the coming of Darth Vader. Look, I'm not here to change anyone's mind or tear down their faith, but you have to understand that to a non-believer, all this talk of anti-christ and Obama is fuckin' bananas. Not just because Obama is a proven good (can you tell I voted for him) but because the tell-tale signs of being the anti-christ is about as specific as the astrology readings in the daily paper.