Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Self Portrait

Everyone . . . my calling card.
One of my friends (Badasschick) sent me a link to this website called The New Humanist, a UK magazine thats been around since 1885. It's a mag for "free thinkers" of which, apparently, I am one.
I mean, how could I deny it when the image above so clearly captures all of my various idiosyncrises and tics?
Logic? Check.
Reason? Check.
Sarcasm? Well, duuhh!
Large ears and glasses? Only on Tuesdays.
Honestly, I don't know that I like the idea of throwing myself in with such a dorky looking gang, but considering the alternatives, I guess I don't really have a choice.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Easy as ABC

I'm a whore.

Actually whores get paid and also get a lot of cardiovascular excercise "on the stroll" so that's probably not a good description.

I also don't get paid to do this, so that makes me something decidedly less than a whore.

What's the point, you ask?

My hotmail account had been down for weeks (probably because I opted NOT to take a stupid tour of the "exciting new mailbox features" ) and when I finally got in there, I saw an email from this guy at ABC. "ABC" is not me giving some made up company name -- I'm talking ABC, American Broadcasting Corporation; home of "Lost," "Pushing Daises" and roughly 40 other shows I have never watched.

Nevertheless, this guy didn't know that but he seemingly knew that Reports from the Third Kingdom would be the FIRST place to come to get some much needed viral campaigning. He knew I would be the perfect person to publicize (read: say something nice) about "Life on Mars" starring my former wife Lisa Bonet. He knew I was an attention-whore who dreams of nothing more than seeing my blog's name in some ABC promo saying something like:

"It's goddamned good TV!" says B.Cause at


"I'd leave my wife if this show would marry me" whines B.Cause at

And he would have been right if my hotmail was working!

So, here's a little post-coital hug for "Life on Mars" which premiered some weeks ago:

"Lisa Bonet is sizzlingly sexy."
"Just when I was ready to throw my tv out the window, this show saved my Thursdays."
"Makes me wish the 70's never went away."
"I have found a new purpose in life and it exists between 9 and 10 ET on ABC Thursdays."

Now if that's not quoteworthy, well dammit, I don't know what is!

By the way, I'm TOTALLY going to send this blog to the ABC guy.

Yes, I'm that desperate.

And now back to your regularly scheduled heathenism.