WARNING: Everything is Evil

I do not make it a habit of hanging around racial conspiracists so I am woefully ignorant of the lingo. That being said, the term "International Jewry" is by far one the funniest things I've ever had the pleasure of reading.

What is "International Jewry?" I suppose it has something to do with a world-wide cabal of Jewish people who are trying to . . . do . . . something . . . evil? Clearly Oliver Stone thinks this is true or did after he apologized.

But maybe he was on to something. Clearly, Jewish people are looking to brainwash the world's children with images in TV and film. Not convinced? Think of all the Jewish superheroes we have. . . oh wait, I mean, think of all the clearly Jewish news anchors . . . OK fuck it, they have Jon Stewart -- need I say more.

Clearly I do need to say more -- actually, I let this bat shit crazy video say it for me:




Ah, it's all starting to make sense. "International Jewry" (snicker) is clearly responsible for the Teletubbies -- a show the courageous Jerry Falwell proved was promoting the gay lifestyle to kids. And now, with Yo Gabba Gabba, they're stepping it up a notch to turn them into Jews. Clearly, the master plan is to slowly convert our children into . . .  Harvey Fierstein. BRILLIANT and eeeeevilllll!

Seriously though, after watching this I came away confused. It seems the goal of these scheming Jewish overlords is to convince everyone that there is only one god. Present company excluded, hasn't that boat pretty much sailed? Granted, I don't see how one god is any more plausable than several, but its been clear for a long time that the world's believers have become very monogamous. At this point, multiple gods is the Pepsi Clear of theologies.

But I tell you what must be great about being religiously deluded -- its that you believe EVERYTHING could be true. Witches, warlocks, demons, I mean Christians not only allow for these things to exist along side Starbucks and chinese food, but they are SCARED of them! But when your faith is predicated on zippo evidence, then you hardly need a smoking broomstick to convince of the reality of witches. Instead, you lean on the popularity of a kids book as evidence that the devil is indeed taking over the world. I mean, decoding hidden messages, solving word puzzles and uncovering conspiracies sounds like a blast. It's also a bunch of horseshit. I'm not saying that there are no conspiracies but when it comes to religious conspiracies, much like religious reasoning, I find it circular and lacking logic.

Case in point: in high school, I had a Catholic friend who asked me what I thought of the pope. I said "not much." She responded by saying that the Pope is one of the most powerful people in the world. Now, I'm not an idiot. Any guy who's convinced hundreds of millions of people that he's God's secretary clearly holds sway . . .  but not over me. His reign requires I believe in the bible, and therefore he's just a dude who looks like he raided Lady Gaga's wardrobe. He's also, in this case, a former Nazi but hey, as long as he prays to the right god, he's cool, right?

This is something the religious conspriacy theorists simply don't get. The threat is only real to YOU. And forgive me if I'm not shitting my pants. Its not because you haven't laid out a convincing arguement (you haven't) but its because you're assuming we're on the same page -- that we're both Christians.

UPDATE: I Think Jewish People are Great

I'm a genius.

Only a genius schedules a dental appointment on a federal holiday. To be fair, I scheduled it with my "vacation brain" -- the brain that basically runs on auto pilot through your life before you hit the road (in our case, Myrtle Beach).

I was getting dressed (reluctantly) when my wife was like "you should call them to make sure they're actually open -- it is July 5." Smart thinking,.

I called them and the receptionist picked up the phone (reluctantly). Holy shit, they were open.

So anyway, I went in to the mostly empty office. To say they were less then ecstatic to be there is not just an understatement but a lie -- they looked fucking pissed, like kids in detention on Saturday.

I'm led to the chair to get a filling fixed and commence with the small talk with the dental hygenist.

Me -- "I'm shocked you guys are open today."

Her -- "Yea, well that's what happens when you work for a Jew." She patted me on the shoulder and walked away.

PAUSE

I have experienced racism before. Like clear-cut "I hate you nigger" racism. I've had dogs sicced on me. Cops called -- the whole nine. I even experienced racism that wasn't aimed at me (long story short, the cafeteria menu at my old gig used pictures of sleeping bandidos to represent Hispanic Food Week on the menu).

But I wasn't prepared for anti semitism -- this coming from a guy who (yes, I'm going to say) is best friends with a Jewish guy. See there, I could have said a "Jew" but that word just doesn't sit right with me. That's how typically sensitive I am.

And yet, in the bald face of clear anti semtism, I froze.

I froze for a couple of reasons.

1. I simply could not believe she had the balls to say some shit like that. Especially, considering that her "jew boss" might be somewhere in the vicinity.
2. Why did this woman (a complete stranger) feel I was cool with her casual racism? Do I look an anti semetic sympathizer? Do I resemble Mel Gibson?

When I told my wife (after the initial shock wore off), she seemed to have a very quick and sadly realistic answer to why Eva Bruan the hygenist felt so comfortable sharing.

"Because most Black folks don't like Jewish people." -- She thinks "Jews" is an icky word, too.

Now, I don't know that I would say "most" but I have run into many Black folks who have less than nice things to say about our semetic brothers and sisters. Having lived in suburban Philadelphia, I grew up with a lot of them and, in our family, we grew to envy their sense of community.

So why am I bringing this up in what is otherwise a religion-based blog? Because I believe that people's issue with "The Jew" (that feels better in sarcastic quotes) is the whole "they killed Jesus thing." Need more evidence?

Got it.

After watching "Passion of the Christ," one of my wife's relatives said -- without hesitation -- "that's why no one likes them now."

Right. This from a woman who would chop off her left arm to shop in stores that 50 years ago would not let her piss in the alley behind them.

Point being, people who would otherwise find Jewish people delightful have been saddled with a prejudice brought on by, what I would say, is a made up story. That's like me hating white bald guys because Lex Luthor is such a dick.

Man, sometimes religion sucks.

UPDATE: Yes, I attended the million man march and I attest to this day that it was an important day for brothers, but there's a reason why the Nation of Islam didn't see a huge influx of members after that. Here's Farrakhan talking about evil "Jews" and sharecropping Negroes.

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