Saturday, September 18, 2010

This Woman is Whack!

At this point, almost a week since Christine O'Donnell has won the Republican bid to ultimately lose run for the Delaware Senate seat, talking about her kooky statements would seem almost nostalgic.

Except, I haven't yet sprayed my brand of snark on the subject just yet, so yeah, it's going to happen. 

At first I was a bit hesitant.

Back in the 90's EVERYONE was doing crazy shit. Saggy jeans and tight spandex ran neck and neck for the top way to humiliate yourself in public; Paula Abdul was completely and un-ironically relevant; and, most importantly, there was barely even an internet (you can stop raising your hand AOL, we see you and we're ignoring you). Truth, the following things happened to me all in the 90's:
1. I lost my virginity while listening to an extended version of "Moments in Love" by the Art of Noise
2. I had a flatop haircut
3. I cheered when OJ was found "not guilty"

You feel all your respect for me just zipped up its coat and beat a line for the door? I wouldn't want my 1990's behavior/statements/music choices to define me now that I'm all respectable. And neither should Christine O'Donnell. 

Granted, I'm not jockeying for a seat to run an ENTIRE state, but still, fair is fair.

So when I saw the clip of a very 1990's Christine O'Donnell proudly saying that masturbation was un-christian like because it was selfish, I actually thought it was somewhat unfair to dig up some "dirt" as a means of discrediting her. Clearly she was an idealistic teenager who was still finding her way . . . . wait, she was 27! As in the age I was when I had been married for a couple of years and had a child and a mortgage? 

Hmm. 

Ok, look. I understand that being a Christian, or of any faith really, basically requires you to have some absolutes -- otherwise the whole discussion on right and wrong, heaven and hell falls flat. But I assume, that most normal folks allow for some cognitive dissonance as they move through life. "YES,  I believe Jesus is my only ticket to heaven but I'm pretty sure Abdul will get his 72 virgins, too." Like me, I LOVE Star Wars but I don't have the passion, will or time to become the President of a Star Wars fan club. I just don't have it in me.

But Christine did. At the age of 27 she started S.A.L.T. a Christian group that hates vaseline and genitalia or something. Anyway, she was interviewed on an MTV show saying that masturbation required lust which is evil and therefore it too is evil. Apparently, masturbation is ruining marriages. As Christine notes, "if [a man] can please himself, what I'm in the picture for?" Don't believe me? Watch the clip.
  
 
SEE?!?! She was 27 when she said that. Now that she wants to be taken more seriously, she's since admitted to masturbating (JUST ONCE!) in 1999 and claims her faith has matured since the 1990s.

So, I have two quick points.

1. I haven't been 27 for a few years now, but my worldview hasn't changed that fucking drastically. I'm pretty much the same dude.
2. Anybody, AT THE AGE OF 27, who thinks a man will find his woman less desirable because he can jerk off is fucking insane. Yes, there are people addicted to porn who will opt to masturbate over real sex but
A. I'm not talking about them
B. When she made these statements there was no pornhub.com or keezmovies.com for men to get addicted to. Oh, what is pornhub.com? Uh, I dunno.

If jerking off was a legitimate substitute for sex, I, and the rest of the male population, would have never lost our virginity.

No, the real problem is that Christine is an idiot who believes pretty much anything she's told. I can only assume the men she had dealt with at this point were also sexually restricted goofballs convinced that sexual desire would turn them into demons.

I don't live in Delaware but I fear for those that do. Christine O'Donnell lacks the adult ability to discern gray. And while a black and white morality may work when your 18 it does not as an adult and DEFINITELY not as a leader in the government. We need people who can set aside their idiosyncratic views of the world and see life through other's eyes, imagine and have compassion for the varied stations of life. I believe that this woman simply cannot do that. She is too easily swayed by religious hoo-ha.

Just last night, Bill Maher ran the following clip that shows Christine on his Politically Incorrect from 1999 where she said she "dabbled in witchcraft." Apparently a date took her to a movie and then a satanic altar. This is a scant three years after being on MTV as the president of S.A.L.T. So either she was doing a Christian sting or she's a fucking idiot. Sadly, I think it's the latter and this chick may SOON BE RUNNING DELAWARE and then the only jerk-off in the state will be her.

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